Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How am I? :)

I’d love to say I’m feeling superb and good like how I answer everyone who asks me the same question. That is because, we can’t be transparent to people at all times.

“DRAMA NANAMAN?”

     No, drama pertains to something done on stage. This is not a silly play, it is not scripted. It’s life. Woops there goes reality, you got slapped hard? Haha, well if you’re someone who couldn’t fathom such, don’t read the rest anymore. Get real. Good bye.

     Hello again to those who decided to read on, you’re lucky that you have a part in there that still feels. You’re not scared of feeling and facing such emotions. You’ve accepted life as we know it, being all topsy-turvy, giving us lemons, giving us things to be happy about, giving us problems and challenges and it’s a cycle. It is a cycle.

     A lot has been happening, and I bet most of the people I talk to are aware. Nagtataka nga sila bakit pag kinukwento ko, hindi nila nakikita yung lungkot. Minsan kasi yung mga tao sa paligid mo nanghihina na yung loob. They draw strength from the one who stays positive, they need someone to tell them that everything’s going to be okay someday, and that happens to be me. My parents draw strength from me and I have to live up to that state. I don’t want people to be checking on me when I cry, so as much as possible, I don’t. Once I do, we would all be weak and tired and facing on a blank wall. There should be at least someone who’s willing to remain still, right?

     But that doesn’t mean that that someone is still at all times. Hindi lahat ng matatag at malakas ang loob, walang palya. I’m guilty. Lately I’ve been losing focus, I’ve been allowing things to bother me and the walls that I’ve built are slowly falling brick by brick. I want to continue this by saying “Pero okay lang, kasi kaya ko naman and that’s life and we have to be strong and have faith and this and that bla bla bla” just like how I used to do it but this time would be different. This write-up itself shows vulnerability and I myself am removing all the bricks left on my wall one by one.

I MISS KUYA A LOT

      I want to know if he’s okay, I want to know where he is right now, I want him to go back home and say he misses us too, I want to hug him and say that I’m sorry for not being the best sister, for starting fights with him, for ignoring his warnings, for not listening to him when he talks, for being so insensitive about whatever he may have felt. I MISS HIM A LOT. All I want is a second chance. But I have to wait for the day he finally walks in our house again. I want to hear him talk about how his day was, I want to listen to him sing, I want to sing with him again while he’s playing his guitar or his ukulele. I can imagine him right now barging in the room to scare me and when he sees my “gulat face” he’d be laughing his ass off. I can’t wait to hear him laugh again. I’m so lucky I have a brother. He’s the best and he’s all that I could ever ask for. Despite the silly quarrels that turned into big fights that turned into grudges, I still love him. Yup.

Ahh I’m really having a hard time writing this because it hurts, and my throat’s starting to ache because I don’t want to break down in the middle of blogging because I know I would end up not being able to post this, UMM HELLO DUH SAYANG EFFORT… HAHAHA



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